TOHL 2025–26 Season Preview: The Beauty League No One Asked For

The Transcona Oldtimers Hockey League (TOHL) is back, baby. Another winter of 10:15 p.m. puck drops, questionable cardio, and enough sweat-soaked powder-blue undershirts to fill a Value Village bin. Six teams enter the season with high hopes, low knees, and beer guts in midseason form. Let’s take a look at the contenders — and the pretenders.

BJS (a.k.a. The Bench Jockeys Society)

Rumor has it they spent more time working on their chirps than their conditioning this offseason. Expect them to win the post-game cooler race, but maybe not the scoring race. Their game plan: yell “wheel, snipe, celly” while struggling to wheel, barely sniping, and skipping the celly due to shortness of breath.

STX (Stick Technology Experiment)

The team with the fanciest gear, newest twigs, and the worst tape jobs in the league. They’re skating into the season looking like a catalog, but by the third period those $350 sticks will be used as crutches. Still, they’ve got talent — if they can figure out how to pass the puck instead of scrolling HockeyStickTok on the bench.

GRN (Green Machine)

Supposedly the “defensive” squad, but they were last seen giving up a touchdown to EMO in last year’s beer league classic. Their color may be green, but don’t let that fool you — there’s nothing eco-friendly about their carbon footprint from chasing the puck all night. If they can keep their goalie from snapping, they might even finish above .500.

TBD (Team Beer-Dependent)

The mystery team. Their roster changes weekly, their lines are a puzzle, and no one knows who’s actually showing up until warmups. But they’ve got that classic TOHL grit — just enough gas in the tank to keep games close until the beer in the room distracts them. Could be dark horses… or just horses.

EMO (Every Muscle Obsolete)

They’ve cornered the market on post-goal celebrations and pulled groins. Always the most entertaining team to watch, mostly because they either win by 6 or lose by 12 — no in-between. The soundtrack to their season: My Chemical Romance blasting in the room after another dramatic overtime loss.

PIS (Perpetually Injured Squad)

Every year they say, “This is our year.” Every year, by November, their bench looks like a MASH unit. Still, they’re scrappy. When healthy, they’re dangerous. When not healthy… well, they’re still dangerous, but mostly to themselves. Expect lots of short benches, long shifts, and inspirational speeches about taping it up and getting back out there.

Final Word

The TOHL season promises beer, bruises, and maybe even some hockey. Will BJS finally back up the chirps? Will GRN keep the puck out of their own net? Will PIS survive until Christmas? Only one thing’s for sure: the real winners will be the coolers in the dressing rooms.

Stay tuned, because this season’s gonna be dustier than a purple-tinted beer league visor.