TOHL Premiere League Midseason Standings Report

The TOHL Premiere League has officially reached the “we’re not panicking yet, but maybe we should stretch before games now” portion of the season. With most teams hovering around the halfway mark, the standings have begun to take shape — and as always, they’ve given us drama, surprises, and a handful of statistical curiosities that only our brand of beer-league brilliance can deliver.

Here’s a look at how all six squads are stacking up so far.

1. EMO (7-2-2, 16 pts)

GF: 49 | GA: 39 | Diff: +10 | Streak: W2

The league darlings continue to lead the pack with that perfect blend of skill, chaos, and just enough bench chirping to keep life interesting. EMO has found ways to win tight games, grind out ugly ones, and occasionally explode for offense like they accidentally drank pre-workout instead of water.

Their +10 goal differential doesn’t lie — this team is dangerous. The Kjerstined brothers have been cooking, Frain is aging like a fine wine, and the halo on that logo is shining brighter than ever.

If the season ended today (don’t worry, it won’t), they’d be your top seed.

2. Blue Jackets (7-4-1, 15 pts)

GF: 60 | GA: 44 | Diff: +16 | Streak: L1

The Blue Jackets continue to be the offensive wagon of the TOHL. Their 60 goals lead the league — and half of them might’ve been scored by the Young family alone. They put up numbers like they’re trying to keep HockeyDB’s servers busy.

But the recent dip in form shows a minor wobble. A tough loss in their last outing cooled the surge, but make no mistake: this team scores early, often, and sometimes from angles that break geometry. They’re right on EMO’s heels, and not going anywhere.

3. Greenbacks (7-4-0, 14 pts)

GF: 56 | GA: 47 | Diff: +9 | Streak: W4

On a four-game heater, the Greenbacks are the hottest team in the league — and suddenly everyone’s remembering, “Oh yeah, these guys are actually good-good.”

The offense is rolling, the depth is showing up, and the neon-green mock turtle they skate behind is terrorizing opponents nightly. Their PIM count (58, league high) suggests they’re also keeping the penalty box warm, but hey, intimidation is a strategy.

Nobody wants to play this team right now.

4. Pistols (5-5-3, 13 pts)

GF: 54 | GA: 55 | Diff: -1 | Streak: W1

Ah, the Pistols: the most unpredictable team in the TOHL.

Some nights they look like a contender. Other nights they look like they forgot what sport they signed up for. But to their credit, they’ve stayed right in the playoff mix, led by steady contributions from Pruden, Conrad, and the occasional penalty from whoever chooses violence that evening.

They’re a .500 team in every sense — but dangerous enough to make noise down the stretch.

5. T-Birds (4-5-2, 10 pts)

GF: 40 | GA: 33 | Diff: +7 | Streak: W1

The Birds have been the league’s biggest mystery. Despite being 5th in the standings, they own the second-lowest goals against and a positive goal differential.

Translation: they’re losing the close ones and winning the chaotic ones.

But with Beavis heating up, Bauman always lurking, and a roster that finally looks like it’s rounding into form, the T-Birds are a classic “don’t let them hang around” team. If they go on a run, everyone ahead of them should start checking the rear-view mirror.

6. Stiff Stixx (1-11-0, 2 pts)

GF: 32 | GA: 73 | Diff: -41 | Streak: L9

Look… every league needs a team that provides character, entertainment, and emotional support for the rest of us — and this season, that team is the Stiff Stixx.

The good news? They show up. They battle. They score just enough to keep Instagram interesting.

The bad news? The standings are not being kind. The -41 goal differential belongs in a science museum.

But the boys keep grinding, and you just know the league’s most iconic neon sign logo will power them to at least a couple more wins before the season ends.

We believe, Stixx fans. We believe.

Final Thoughts at Midseason

The top three (EMO, Blue Jackets, Greenbacks) look primed to battle for the regular-season crown, while the Pistols and T-Birds are lurking, waiting for one hot week to change everything.

And the Stiff Stixx… well, they’re building character. Lots of it. Enough to write a movie script.

The second half of the season is shaping up beautifully — rivalries, scoring races, PIM races, and games that somehow end 8-7 even with two goalies playing great.

Buckle up. The fun part starts now.